Don't mind me, just a bunch of rambling...

My computer has leaky capacitors and needs a new motherboard. And since the one I have is so old, I was told I would never be able to find a replacement so I will need to buy a processor as well. Newegg.com had a motherboard/processor combo for less than $100 which should be here on Friday and my neighbor will install it for me, so all is not lost. In the meantime, I had to suck it up and buy a laptop. I know I've been talking about it for about a year now, but I've been putting it off. My feelings about it are still mixed: I'm happy to have it and love it; I'm dreading having to pay for it. Then I remind myself that I do not shop EVER, in fact I'd rather do anything other than shop. My wardrobe is all inexpensive jeans and t-shirts, my house is decorated with furniture I have either found or bought at garage sales and refurbished and things I've inherited from family, I am one of those annoying people at the grocery check out with a big-ass stack of coupons, watching to make sure I'm not overcharged for sale items, I do not wear jewelry or spend a lot of money on cosmetics, I do not have a stereo and my television is older than dirt. Aside from some bills my ex-husband ran up in my name after we separated (asshole meanie!!!) that are still in dispute, I am completely debt free. So I need to just enjoy this new laptop.

Life has been a little challenging, a little frustrating and disappointing, also very wonderful. I've been thinking so much about everything that I'm too sick of it to even talk about it in great depth.

The wonderful news is that my cat is officially cancer free. Earl fought and kicked colon cancer's ass! And he did it with an all-natural diet, lots of sleep, and vitamins. He's been in remission for a while, which was encouraging news, but to hear the words "no cancer" was the best news I've had in years. A great offline friend of mine had a successful surgery recently as well and is living pain-free for the first time since a car accident two years ago. What a true blessing. Great things are happening all around me and I still find myself feeling a little melancholy at times.

I still can't get this man out of my mind more than a year after he gave me the proverbial "thanks, but no thanks". What is wrong with me? No matter who I meet, no matter what is going on in my life, my thoughts wander back to him and I feel my heart tighten up. I still feel love for him and I want it to stop. No, I want him to change his mind, but since that is never going to happen, I'll settle for the stopping of the thoughts-wandering-heart-pulsing-the-beat-of-his-music thing. I'm not letting it stop me from moving forward though. Somewhere out there is somebody wonderful, I know because I've met a couple, and eventually I will meet another who will not lose interest and think I'm wonderful too. I think. I hope, anyway.

My niece, Lexi, had a birthday party last Sunday and I spent the entire day having loads of fun with family (and I mean that in both the most literal and sarcastic of ways, depending on which family member) so I missed doing the Random Six. You have no idea how many people are reading your blog until you forget to post something like that. I got passive-aggressive email ("I hope you are alright. I know you wouldn't miss the random six unless something were seriously wrong."), which was actually very flattering. I still can't believe people even read my blog. I was reading some of my old posts and man what a yawnfest. How can a person be so completely uninteresting and odd at the same time. I manage to be boring even when I'm strange. It's no wonder I've been alone and celibate for 4 years, 7 months, and 1 day. Yes, I've kept track.

No point to this post, really. Just getting stuff off my chest. I need to meditate more. I love you.