Not much new to report. I've been working out of town from Thursday through Saturday for the past few weeks for my former employer. That was temporary though... classes have started back so I've got my hands full at home.
My cousin Gina is holding up surprisingly well. Uncle Ted's death hasn't sunk in yet though.
In September my dad and his three brothers and three sisters are taking a trip to my Mammy's hometown in Maine where they will bury her ashes at the Burgess family cemetery. My sister Pamela and I would like to join them, but that's still up in the air.
I want to thank the person who suggested I put hair around my garden. A hairstylist friend of mine saved a bag for me and it has worked like a charm. In a couple of months, I should have some nice tomatoes, herbs and root vegetables.
What else is going on? Major energy shifts.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about everything. Mostly about finally opening myself up to filling that big gaping hole in my heart. And truth... true meanings to be specific. Definitions. What is love? What is compassion? I want romance that evolves naturally from friendship, so I'm thinking about what makes a true friend? That type of thing. I am convinced that it is what we do that really counts. What we feel only has an effect on ourselves and there comes a point where words just don't cut it anymore; our actions are real and what affects others. Are we there? Do we show concern and offer a shoulder? I want to be present and really there for the people I love, but for that to be possible, the person has to value me and want me there. You can't be there for someone who won't let you in. That's what I really want: to walk into open arms. We can't take tomorrow for granted. It is time to clear out the old to make room for the new. I want mutual nurturing... to be truly connected. So, so long crushes, longings, desires... you made it possible for me to work through my fears by allowing me to hide from something real for a time and I appreciate that. But I'm ready for something real and requited now. I will miss you and always care about you and I wish you well.
I'll carry the rest over to my private tumblr so as not to torture and bore you, my dear friends, to death. Because I love you.
Here's the random six.
Siouxsie & the Banshees - Dazzle
Muddy Waters - Still a Fool
Bob Marley and the Wailers - Waiting in Vain
Sinéad O'Connor - I Want Your Hands on Me
Isaac Hayes - Run Fay Run
Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah
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Welcome back, I missed you! Love me some marley. He always makes me feel like I'm on vacation!
ReplyDeleteWow, you've really thought this "matters of the heart" business out thoroughly, haven't you? You're right, of course, but sometimes you can overthink it, too. When it's right, it's right. That's been my experience. Hope it winds up being your experience, too.
ReplyDeleteLove the random six mix. Specially love Issac (shut your mouth!), just talking about Issac Hayes. ;)
I saw Marley and the Wailers in 1975. Opened for The Who. Good show! Saw Muddy Waters in St. Paul in 1971. What a blues man. Hair keeps critters out of the garden? Deer?
ReplyDeleteHave a great week!
Amen! Let's have an end to the distractions, bring on the real and requited!
ReplyDeleteLove, love, love Jeff Buckley, esp Hallelujah. A local (Sioux Falls) band, Spooncat, aka the Hegg Bros, does a cover of it that's just amazing.
Siouxsie & the Banshees rock! You are so right about "what you DO" vs. "what you feel" and how that ends up being the real deal-breaker...or maker.
ReplyDeleteJust leaving you a BIG /\Namaste from Buenos Aires, Argentina :)
ReplyDeleteShanti Om , long life to ART !
lisaaa..always gr8 2 hear fm u....also happy that u r keeping your focus clear..will add carina's words: leaving you with a big namaste from sharjah..
ReplyDeleteCarlos, a friend of mine gave me a really nice Marley box set. I'm happy to finally have a hard drive large enough to hold all of my cds!
ReplyDeleteJack, suggesting I stop thinking so hard would be like asking me to stop breathing. It comes and goes though... it's not like I'm thinking like this 24/7. Isaac Hayes is one of my favs too. I lurve him.
Ed, you're so lucky! That must have been awesome!!! The hair is keeping away the bunnies, squirrels and chipmunks. The birds are stealing it to make nests with though so I may end up having to utilize plan B (i had hoped not as it involves me peeing into a mason jar).
Bellona of Avalon, here here! I love that you're so into local music. I buy local cds all the time, but I hate clubs so I never go see them live. I feel like I'm missing out... maybe I should suck it up and get out more often! :)
LAF, Siouxsie always reminds me of my teenage years. I love her voice. Definitely what you do that counts... and sometimes what you don't do too!
Carina, thank you so much. I love to look at the pictures on your blog, but I am afraid I can only speak and read English. I am happy to have connected with you though. Namaste and hugs to you too. Shanti Om
Ramesh, always nice to hear from my good friend. I hope you are doing well and your skin has benefited from that mask your daughter applied. :) hehe Big hugs!
ya i am glowing now..lisa..hey..miss u buddy..take care.best wishes always....
ReplyDeleteAs soon as you said "Hallelujah" that song just played right through my head. (I guess it's better than picturing a large Gospel church at which people jump up onto the pews and shout it at the tops of their lungs.) :)
ReplyDeleteI understand that longing for connection - to reach out and be seen - truly seen - for all that you are and may yet become. And to offer that to another. Yes indeedy I do. I wish you joy on the journey. Ah Siouxie - man do I love that woman. and Jeff...lovely Jeff. Have you heard any of his dad's stuff (Tim Buckley) - the similarity between the two is uncanny - both also died too young.
ReplyDeletethat's an awesome list tantra. i love waiting in vain the most. anyway thank you for leaving such a nice comment on my blog. I'm really sorry as much as I want to I can only blog once in a while nowadays. But I'll try to post as often as possible. Take care also.See you around!
ReplyDeleteRamesh, you are glowing even without the mask because you are always smiling. It is good to slough off that dead skin though. I do it twice per week without fail. I miss you too buddy. You know when you do not see me around you can always shoot me an email. Same goes for everybody. tantraflower@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteDawn, thank you so much for visiting my blog. To say Hallelujah is one of my favorites would be an understatement. I think I'd like that to be the last song I hear before I die. Leonard Cohen is a beautiful poet and songwriter, but (to paraphrase Otis Redding upon hearing Aretha's rendition of Respect) Jeff Buckley done stole his song! lol
The Awakened Heart, it is so good to hear from you. I hope you are well. I think the desire to feel connected... to share ones own heart while nurturing the heart of another is something most of us can relate to. We all want this but are so quick to dismiss possibilities. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of failure, fear of change, etc. Imagine the love everyone could experience if we would just let that shit go! Namaste P.S. I love Tim Buckley. Thank you for mentioning him. :)
Shasha, no need to apologize for not having time for a blog. You have a very busy life! As do I, so I understand completely. We must prioritize. Family, children, friends, work, other responsibilities have to come first. Big hugs. Please be well. xox
Thank you everyone. Namaste