Preparing for the proverbial new chapter...

It's rare that I feel like posting about what's going on in my personal life anymore. I think part of it is I'm in transition, part is I've experienced a lot of pain this year. Another part is that I haven't felt like talking about my innermost thoughts and feelings on this blog, no fault of anybody here I assure you, it's just a personal thing, and I don't like writing when I feel like I need to hold back.

Maybe it's time to think about going in a different direction. I've talked about posting more Tantra and Buddhist related entries in the past and I think that is something I would enjoy doing regularly. I'll sort it all out and let you know in the next month.

Now that I've admitted that, I feel like giving an update. Don't mind me, I'm just being a human again. Why do we have to be so messy? More specifically, why do I have to be so messy?

Most of what's going on is the same old stuff. My tendency to plan way ahead for things can make them drag out and seem to take forever, e.g. my upcoming move to Ohio, but then once the big event is upon and then behind me it seems to have come and gone so fast. In the past, most of my work was mental. I'd think and dwell and make lists and then wait until the last possible minute to actually do the work. I've gotten older though and having learned from that am actively doing something every day to make the actual move easier for me. I've got a job lined up in Dayton at a treatment center that is in the process of expanding their facility and taking on more residents, which means more staff. Yesterday I found out that my official start date is Wednesday, October 20th. This is a ways off, but that works out fine as my current employer still needs me and is letting me work up until the last possible day. My landlord is letting me stay until October 15th, but I will probably move a week or two before then. I'm house hunting now, with the help of my sister who lives in Dayton and can go look at these places and weed out the unsuitable ones before I make my trip up there September 16th to find and secure the house I want to live in for the next three years. I need a house, either one story or with a bedroom and bathroom downstairs if two story because my grandmother is going to come and stay with me. I also need a fenced in yard for Zeke and I'd love a gas stove, but that's not a priority.

My son and I have packed up half the house already. I gave away my dining room table to make room for all the boxes. Every day I pack two boxes of things I don't use daily or can live without for the next month.

I am going to miss my friends so much. I once turned my nose up at Facebook and all that, but right now I am really appreciative of social networking and all that it offers. We can exchange pictures, drop a quick note, know whether we are alive and well. It's a far cry from meeting for coffee, enjoying a meal and real-life bonding, but it's better than nothing. And I do plan to come back to NC to visit every few months.

So you already know that I got involved in a relationship with a man who was going through a divorce, stupidly fell very deeply in love with him and then he dumped me and went back to his ex-wife. I am still trying to get over that. I'm about 87% over him, but not really over the trauma. I'm not ready to date, not ready to even think about it. My well-meaning friends keep trying to set me anyway. I want them to stop. I'm not giving up period, just need a break. Let's face it, I've had a shitty time trying to find love. One I truly loved who lied to me and hurt me. Another I felt I could love -- really wanted to see if I could love -- but he wasn't having it. There's a positive way to view somebody rejecting you before they really get to know you... the pain, however, is the same. And then there are the guys that I thought seemed worth a shot only to have a horrible first or second date. Granted, I'm pretty picky and it stings less when you are the one putting the brakes on, but it still sucks when you initially think someone is really great and you open yourself to possibilities and you find out they're just after one thing. Most men seem to want a girl to just have fun and see whatever happens; I, however, am a woman. Not that I'm ready to just dive head first into something, but you do need to know what you're ultimately looking for in a relationship. I am open to taking the long way, short-cuts are rarely short anyway, but I do know where I'm going, if that makes sense. In other words, I'm not up for something frivolous. Would rather have nothing at all. So, I've had enough of it for now. I just want to get moved, start this new chapter in my life, and not even think about love or sex or relationships. Blech.

My son is excited about going to college full-time and becoming a teacher. I'm excited for him. He's changed his mind a few times over the years about what he wants to do, but he always came back to his love for physics and teaching. He wants to take it all the way. I'm so proud of him and happy for him!

I'm so excited about my plans for the year. I'm going to become a certified yoga instructor and will also be taking some courses in herbology and Chakra therapy. Next year I will resume my Bachelor's degree in Psychology and Dietetics and I'm looking forward to that as well, but I've wanted to take these other courses for a long time now so I'm really looking forward to that.

I finally got my turntable fixed! And then it broke again, damn it. The repairman is going to fix it again this weekend though and this he says it will be fixed for good. I'm crossing my fingers.

I've discovered dark chocolate infused with chipotle peppers and cinnamon. OMFG it is so good. I love spicy food. The hotter the better.

This is long enough so I'll stop here. Thanks for stopping by. Much love to you!!!