The most damaging axiom ever

We've all heard this saying:

"Never regret because it got you where you are today."

And many variations thereof.

The most ridiculous one of all, in my opinion, is this: "Never regret your decisions because that was exactly what you wanted at the time."

Oh, really? I shouldn't regret refusing to talk to my dad for almost two full years one time for no good reason except that I wanted to punish him for the pain he didn't even intend to cause me? Or the person who broke into my house and stole all of my kids' Christmas presents that time shouldn't feel regret because, hey, he really wanted to feed his drug habit and stealing was how he wanted to do it? What about rapists? They really wanted to abuse and harm that woman at the time, so they shouldn't regret it later?

I call bullshit on that.

First of all, regret and forgiveness are not the same thing. And letting go of all regret isn't moving on. People who live with zero regrets are not learning and evolving as human beings at all. You'll just repeat the same behavior. You're just as stuck as a person with all-consuming regret.

Balance is always better than extremes. You may remember me saying this before, but I still believe it to my core -- holding on to just enough regret to keep from repeating bad behavior and destructive life choices, but not so much you beat yourself up, is a good thing.

I'll be the first to admit that I may hold on to a little too much regret sometimes. I mentioned a couple of posts ago that my words and actions cost me a dear friend probably forever and I am feeling extremely remorseful right now about that. I shed tears at least once a week for him. But if I'm having trouble keeping the balance sometimes, I'd much rather feel a little too much regret than none at all.