How do you receive love?

I've always found this fascinating, how differently we all view what love is and our unique needs when it comes to feeling loved by another person.

Some people actually believe that if someone wants to control and possess them, that they must really love them; this is how people end up in abusive relationships.

I used to feel most loved when I knew I was needed. I've grown wiser. I've had to learn the hard way that it is much better to have someone with you because they want to be. When lessons are finally learned, change is inevitable. I think this is true of everyone, our definition and filters evolve over the years. 

At this stage of my life, I feel most loved when I can just be myself and be accepted just as I am. Also, when I have emotional support; when someone is able to empathize with me and cut me a little slack. Allow me to be human, if you will.

This is probably -- and if you'll bear with me as I wander for a bit here -- my biggest issue with my grandmother at the moment. She is not happy with me as I am. She doesn't see me as a person with a tremendous weight on her shoulders just doing the best she can, she is constantly telling me what I am not doing that I should be doing, etc. My bedroom looks like someone turned it upside down and shook it. She complains about it constantly. 1)Is this some grand news flash to you, that I am kind of a slob when it comes to my room? Really? Because I'm 45 now and as far back as I can remember, and I'm talking age 3, I've been lousy at keeping my bedroom picked up. 2)While we're on the subject of me being 45, can I just add that I'm a bit old for you to be telling me to clean my room? Especially when this is my house, I pay all the bills, you, dear lady, are living with *me* and not the other way around. Grrr!

And my bedroom is the least of it. It's everything. I'm inadequate. I bought an extra pill minder so that her meds would always be done at least one week in advance. Now she expects me to have two weeks of meds sorted. I wash all of her clothes, I used too much or too little fabric softener. It's all a bunch of stupid stuff like this, but it gets so tiring. The bottom line is that she feels most loved when you feel guilty that you aren't doing enough for her. She likes to be catered to and fussed over. It's pretty sick, actually, but she's 87 so I've accepted that this isn't going to change. I think it's sad that she wants other people to feel inadequate... in my mind, shouldn't you want the people you love to feel good about themselves?

And I don't feel inadequate, by the way, I know I am doing all that I can. It just hurts my feelings that she wants me to feel this way. It hurts me that she doesn't accept me as I am, that she doesn't empathize with me at all and only sees my shortcomings. I don't feel loved by her. I know intellectually that she loves me, but I don't feel it. You know what I mean?

Anyway, I've just been thinking a lot lately about what love really is, what is healthy, what my needs are, what I am willing to do to love others in the way that they need to be loved, how hard it is to do, but how necessary it is, etc. etc. etc.

I am pretty sure nobody visits this blog anymore, but if by chance you find yourself here, perhaps you can take a moment to share how you experience love. What makes you feel most loved?