Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy new year

I know I haven't been around much. I haven't blogged and haven't been reading other blogs. It's not that I haven't had time, I just haven't felt like it. To be perfectly honest, I am just feeling overwhelmed by this rollercoaster of a life.

First of all, I am getting married this Friday to Tony, a man I love with all of my heart. He's the best. He's kind, funny, smart, and caring. He can also fix things. What kinds of things? Anything and everything that can possibly need fixing. I'm a feminist, but not so much so that I don't let myself feel like a girl, if that makes sense, and nothing makes me feel more like a girl than my man fixing my car! Or the ice machine on my refrigerator, or my washing machine, or my lamp, or just whatever breaks! But that's not why I'm marrying him. I'm marrying him because I never want to live my life without him. He's the first person I want to talk to about everything. When he is happy I want to share in his joy and when he's sad I want to cheer him up. When he is sick, I want to take care of him. I can't wait to see him every day. I just can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. I am so so so happy!

I'm also very sad. My grandmother died this past November 23rd. She was on 24-hour home hospice care during her passing. Tony was with me when my mom woke me up at 4:30 in the morning to give me the news. Even though we were expecting it, I just kept hoping that she would get over the hump like she always had done and be with us just a little while longer. Yes, she annoyed the crud out of me sometimes -- and I do not feel bad or apologize for expressing that either -- but I love her with every fiber of my being. She was like a mom to me. She was the most important person in my life for as long as I can remember.

If I tried to choose my favorite memory of my grandma, it would be like going to a field of wild flowers and trying to choose the most beautiful one. I'll share the memory that just popped in to my head right now though:

When I was seven years old, the boys teased me at school that the reason my eyes are brown is because I was "full of poop." Even the boy I had a crush on (David Riggs -- I can't believe I remember his name after all these years lol) joined in. When he called me "poopy eyes," I was devastated. I sobbed the whole walk home that day. I was so sad, I walked right past the fig and orange trees and kumquat bushes that lined the neighborhood and usually provided my afternoon snack. When I got home, my grandma was there to greet me, all smiles and hugs, but I was inconsolable. She asked me what was wrong and through tears I said, "I hate my brown eyes. I wish I had blue eyes." "But grandma has brown eyes," she said. I looked at her eyes and, sure enough, they were just as dark as mine and at that moment everything was alright.

My dad had triple bypass surgery plus a stent a few months ago and so far so good. This was probably the scariest thing he, my step-mom, my sister Pamela and I have ever experienced. Ever. I couldn't go be with him because grandma's health was deteriorating and my mom is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and shouldn't be alone. I'm hoping to go visit him soon. I'm just so happy that he made it through the surgery and that he is finally doing all of the things his doctor has been telling him for years he needs to do: lose weight, lay off the booze, eat healthy, etc. etc. etc.

I found another cyst in my vagina but it turned out to be nothing. Scary, but still not as scary as almost losing my dad.

Tony's dad died from encephalitis while being treated for Alzheimer's. His immune system was just so weak and he picked up an infection during one of his numerous hospital visits. He passed less than two weeks before my grandma.

I'm just glad that Tony asked me to marry him before his dad and my grandma passed away; it made both of them so happy.

Me and my rambling. Anyway...

I just want to wish y'all a wonderful 2013 and let you know that even though I haven't been around much, you're in my heart. ♥♥♥


  1. heyyy buddyy...so nice to read this post..congratssss to u and tony..best wishes to you both...sorry to hear abt grandma..at the end of it all u r such a cheerful and wonderful person..life cant be better..cya

  2. Best wishes to you and Tony.
    Happy New years to come,many more.


And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin

So, speak your mind. I appreciate you very much! Namaste