Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Where are all the old posts and why?

The answer to the first question? Archived. If you want the url, email me here or give me your email address in the comments so I can invite you.

Why? It's time for a fresh start, so says my melodramatic brain. It just feels like I need to shed the old to make room for the new. I'm about halfway through getting rid of links on the sidebar that're either broken or lead to now-defunct blogs and I will be adding some new links soon.

So much has changed since my last post.

2014 has been a good year so far. So much has changed in my life. As you know, my dear grandmother passed away November 23rd of 2012 and though it was expected it was completely unexpected if you know what I mean. I was my grandma's main caretaker, mainly because bless her she wouldn't let anyone else do anything for her. lol She was funny. I cherish every day that she was in my life, but I cherish her final year, the year that she lived with me, the most. My mother and my oldest son were also living with me, but both moved out some months ago. I always knew that Kyle would end up moving closer to the college so it didn't totally shock me when he moved out, but I was not prepared for my mother to move all the way to Texas! Yes, my mother has met, or was reunited with I should say, a wonderful man and she is spending time with him in Texas. The goal is to get married if it all works out. Who knew that when my husband Tony and I sent my mother to her 50th high school reunion this past August, she'd come home smitten. His name is Royce and my mom didn't know him very well in high school, but he is the brother of one of her dear friends Dee who she has managed to somewhat keep in touch with since they graduated in 1963. Dee made some quilt tops for my mother and wanted to hand deliver them to her but couldn't make it to the reunion so she sent them with Royce to give my mom and it was love at first sight. So now my mom is in Shallowater, TX and Tony and I have the house all to ourselves! It felt weird at first to be alone, to not have to shut the door to have sex, for Tony to be able to run around in his skivvies... it's actually nice though I still get the sadz.

The experience with my grandmother and Tony's dad has changed me. I now want to be a hospice nurse. This topic is a blog post all its own that I will write eventually.

My health could be better. I'll be having a hysterectomy soon. Basically, my uterus is full of fibroid tumors that are probably not cancerous but there's always a chance and there is definitely a cancerous growth on my ovary, but it has been caught very early, thank science. We're hoping radiation won't be necessary, but we won't know for sure until the surgery. The plan for now is to remove my baby-making factory through my old cesarean scar (the tumors are too big to remove vaginally and they don't want to cut them to make them smaller because the risk for cancer cells being present is high) and if all of the fibroids can be removed and the cancer hasn't spread at all, I will not have to do radiation. Please cross your fingers and send good energy for me that everything goes well.

I've gotten so fat. I've always been an emotional eater, but it has gotten so out of hand. Current pant size? 20. Yes that's a two in front of a zero. And what's worse, they're feeling snug and these are my old, stretched out clothes so I'm pretty sure if I were to try on new clothes, I'd have to *Gulp* go up a size. So am I going to be one of those people who blogs about their weight loss? Yes. Not in pounds though. The scale and me are not friends. A long time ago I threw my scale into a dumpster and have vowed to never weigh again save for when I'm forced to at the doctor's office. I'm going to blog about getting healthy, eating better but still enjoying chocolate, and my progress will be measured in inches and clothing sizes. Also, it isn't going to be written with an audience in mind, but rather just to track what I eat, exercise, etc. Just the facts, ma'am. I'll link to it in my profile when I'm ready.

I've thought to let go of this blog so many times, usually because I'm embarrassed of old posts; it bothered me that things I said in a moment of passion would just sit there forever, long after I've moved on. The process of archiving the old thoughts and feelings was cathartic. But ultimately, it boils down to this-- this is my first personal blog. It's special to me and this is where I want to document my journey, for whatever it's worth (this blog was closed for so long, I will be surprised to have two readers left).

If you are still with me, thank you. I love you. I hope 2014 is a fantastic year for you, that opportunities that come knocking will find you prepared, that you are as blessed and lucky as me to have wonderful friends and family (and a few shitty ones, too, to make you appreciate the good ones more), that if you want to work that you have a job that you love or can at least tolerate, that if you want to be in love that you are and madly so, that you are happy and at peace with yourself at least 50% of the time. XOXOXO


And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin

So, speak your mind. I appreciate you very much! Namaste